Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Once Bitten... Forever Shy

The Snake?
It bites.

There are really no adequate words to sum up the sheer suck that is this race: blood curdling, stomach inside out puking, legs exploding, awfulness sounds like powdered sugar donuts in comparison to how horrific this was. I dare say delivering my 10 pound child might have been easier...but that was a long time ago, so I might take that back.

Check out the leverage the maybe-buck-o-five-soaking-wet-Kee has to get, just to turn a single freaking rotation:

So what exactly does it say about me, that on the way home, I was planning what I would do differently NEXT year to prepare myself: the first item on that list being proper hydration, second being eating exactly NONE of those goo packs that made me puke my brains out, AND lastly, not getting so up inside of my head that I nearly mind-fu*#&d myself off my bike forever?

I don't even want to know.
Here, in this shot...I still looked normal. I am not even in the granny gear.

People who do this race, they are not normal nor are they healthy (in the head).

You see these pics here, and quite frankly, they still won't do this little number justice, because what they DON'T tell you, is that there is a climb BEFORE this here Snakey little cobblestoned climb...which pretty much has you winded BEFORE you even begin to climb said Snake.

Here is the last little portion of THAT climb (and yes, those dudes are wholly hunched over their handlebars, least that's what Ill keep telling myself) before they even reach the Snake:
Below can get a bit of an idea of just how steep this puppy Keri rocks up the thing like someone who runs out and does this shit for fun every day (she does).

She kicked some serious ass all weekend and I should probably mention...IT WAS HER FIRST RACE. She's something else though:

Now, juxtapose Keri (and Joann) looking all stealth-like and fit here, with this pic here below...where you can see the crowd behind me mocking me, the bile beginning to eek its way from my guts, and the fact that a big ass, and thundering thighs are not entirely great assets for hauling one's self up ridiculous cobblestoned climbs:

Cripes. Perhaps the only saving grace(s) of this deal were:

1. That our race was early in the most of the spectators (read: hecklers) waited until later in the day to make their appearances.

2. The number of Pro, Cat 1 and 2 DUDES that I watched ride up this thing ONCE, throw their bikes off the side and quit, claiming some mechanical failure was substantial.

Really...there is not much more to say.

I survived, if you can call it that. Keri? She conquered.

Next year...someone please let the air out of my tires and spare me the agony.

I'll pay you later.


  1. 1) I still contend that you are one of the strongest cyclists I know. You did a great job, especially since you were "all up in your head" that you couldn't do this.
    2) You climbed that puppy more than a lot of those bigtime guys. YOU did not quit.
    3) That's Joann in the pic w/ Keri.
    4) I emailed you another shot of the snake.
    5) I have a feeling we may both be back next year. ; )

  2. I love it that you are my bestest commenter! Thank you, I love you and next year YES, you are coming...along as a whole lot more than beer bitch. I need you...toes and all.